The Old Guard review on Netflix: Same old story for Charlize Theron

You don’t have to read the comic that the new Netflix action film The Old Guard is based on. Just watch the first five minutes and you will literally know everything that will happen.

The old guard with Charlize Theron in Fury Road mode will be streamed on Netflix on July 10th. It starts with an elite team of asskickers recruited by the CIA to sneak into a foreign militia compound – you know the exercise: they do where they catch crabs – walk along the walls with their assault rifles, pinched against their faces, and then whip around the corners. They shoot a man and then lower his body to the floor as they frown. Yes, The Old Guard consists of the most moldy old action and spy film clichés.

The grizzled leader breaks her own rules for a last job. Men with beards and sunglasses walk through African markets and say things like “yesterday afternoon on site” and “last confirmed staff on site”. Hummers race through the desert, then we drive to London, where a CEO in a hoodie jumps straight from a press conference to “Find them!” with some mercenaries in a glass corridor. Body protection people often frown. An obvious traitor is obvious.

If you are a nonprofit, you could argue that writer Greg Rucka undermines the tropics of the action film in a script that comes from his own comic (co-designed by artist Leandro Fernandez). Because there is a great imagination: the mercenaries who travel the world have swords. Because they’re damned immortal.

The problem is that the Old Guard twist doesn’t really twist the plot. Theron’s bulletproof ass is piercing and pirouetting and doesn’t really differ from John Wick or her own stylish assassin in Atomic blonde. The evil CEO of identikit could be straight out Poison or Bloodshot. The action is nifty and fast-paced, but you’ve seen it a million times. How can something be so bloodless with so much CGI blood spatter? Are we really supposed to be happy about an invincible hero who wades through tactical gear with yet more faceless stuntmen?

I know, I know it’s stupid B-movie entertainment. But the real crime is that this is one of those films in which the backstory is more interesting than what’s on the screen. Brief flashbacks and temporary mentions suggest a story of witches in iron coffins and two rival crusaders who kill each other until they fall in love. Which sounds ingenious.

To be fair, The Old Guard tries to put an emotional punch in the hackneyed action. After another swirling gun-fu sequence leaves dead SWAT guys lying on the floor, director Gina Prince-Bythewood lets the camera rest on Theron’s face as she thinks about the endless horror of her extended life. Each of the immortal heroes is exposed to the pain of immortality in their own way, and the diversity of the group and their experience are exciting. This leads to the most emotional moment of the film, as Marwan Kenzari delivers a speech so warm that it almost single-handedly elevates the film above others of its kind.

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The emotional dilemma of eternity worries the youngest recruit in the ranks, played by KiKi Layne. Layne’s character offers one of the few fascinating and surprising moments in the film when Theron gives her a gun. Obviously, every film has a moment when the scripting software inserts an argument between heroes – this will be the part of the classic hero’s journey that refuses the call – but in general, the reluctant recruit ends up taking on redeeming violence. For a fascinating moment, it looks like our hero rejects the violent path and rejects the action film as a concept. Now The would be a great subversion.

Obviously it doesn’t last. We’ll be back to normal soon, double-tapping men in balaclavas and talking about the sanctity of life while casually massacring dozens of dozen random men.

Yes, you know the exercise. The old guard is a bit of fun. But mostly it’s the same age, the same age.